The Story For Our Why

How and why did Baby It’s Cold Outside Charity come to be?

We introduce you to Bobbie.

Born in 1958 Robert Douglas Kovar (Bobbie) was what most of us would consider an average little boy. He grew up in a middle-class household in Calgary, Alberta, with two loving parents and his siblings. Life for Bobbie was GOOD. It was “normal”. Then one morning six-year-old Bobbie went into his baby sister Susan’s room to wake her up. But Susan would not wake up, sadly she had passed away in the night from SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). Not wanting to cause their son further trauma, Bobbie’s parents decided that it was best he not attend Susan’s funeral and so they left him in the care of a trusted friend and neighbor. The afternoon of the funeral, that neighbor sexually assaulted Bobbie, this neighbor went on to sexually assault Bobbie and his little 3-year-old brother for years to come. Two major traumatic events in the life of a six-year-old child were devastating, and though everyone tried to carry on with life, the impacts from this time would impact Bobbie forever. Although there were moments of normalcy and glimmers of a happy little boy, the day-to-day struggle for Bobbie became harder and harder. He didn’t “fit” in the world. And no words of love or compassion were enough to give him reassurance otherwise. He was different. He FELT different, and he did not feel like a “he”. At the age of fifteen Bobbie was arrested for the first time and charged with solicitation, a term that his mother (during the 1960’s) could hardly comprehend. With today’s education, we would refer to Bobbie as transgender, but in the 60’s and 70’s there were other names he was commonly referred to as, and unfortunately even today we hear those words cut people to the quick.

And so, it began … running away turned into couch surfing, which turned into sleeping in the streets. Not being able to sleep turned into addictions, too many to count and too few to ease his pain. This turned into arrests, eventually creating an endless and vicious cycle, riddled with mental illness that was un-diagnosable in the 60s and 70s eras. Calls home were infrequent, and months would go by with his parents worrying and worrying. And then one ordinary day, the call came. It wasn’t Bobbie on the other end of the phone. It was a Montreal police officer asking, “do you have a son by the name of Robert Kovar?”. “Yes” his mother replied, thinking he was in jail again. He wasn’t. He had been murdered at the age of 29, in his Montreal apartment for being transgender.

The officer apologized that it had taken over 2 MONTHS to find Bobbie’s next of kin. You see, he had no identification due to his transient lifestyle, and so he had been laid to rest in an unmarked grave in Montreal, Canada. Buried hundreds of miles away from those who love him. Those who couldn’t save him – who couldn’t save him from himself in many cases. It is important to understand/add that in the years after Bobbie's murder and the passing of Bobbie’s parents that the family friend/neighbor was also raping Bobbie's younger brother as well (this was brother Randy who was murdered prior to Bobbie and the first brother lost).

It was Bobbie who inspired Baby it’s Cold Outside’s (BCO’s) founder Pamela Morgan to start the charity in 2004. You see, Bobbie wasn’t just someone she read about in the news, he was her big brother. Outside of his struggles in life, Bobbie was still an amazing person who Pamela remembers fondly for his love of cooking and his great sense of humor. His clam chowder was one of the all-time favorites of his family, and his little sister would beg and plead for him to make it when he found himself back home for a spell. Pamela remembers, “Bobbie was funny – I mean really, REALLY funny, and he could tell a great tall tale. He looked very similar to David Bowie, and it was common for others to remark on the resemblance. Which is to say that Bobbie was STRIKINGLY attractive.” While you may not have someone with a story exactly like Bobbie’s in your own family, odds are that you, someone in your family or one of your close friends at some point will be touched by sexual abuse, discrimination, addiction, homelessness, or mental health issues.

37 years ago, this past October, Bobbie Kovar was murdered because of his sexual orientation. Until May 14, 1969 homosexual acts between consenting adults were illegal in Canada. When Bobbie was 15 years old in the 1960’s transgender was not even a common word. Today, in 2024, at PRIDE events around the world, people of all ages are publicly celebrating without fear and shame.

We have come so far since Bobbie’s death in 1987, while at times progress may seem slow, especially for those living in the eye of chaos, times are changing and each one of us has an opportunity, every single day to create a world that is not just tolerant of our differences but encouraging of them.

At BCO we are grateful to each one of you, our followers, and supporters who allow us to continue to work in honor of Bobbie and so many others like him. We hope you will join us in celebrating diversity, acting with kindness, and giving a hand up to others in need when you can.

If Bobbie was with us today, he would be the life of the party, and celebrating right along with us!